First encounters tend to be remarkable to us, especially when we meet someone whom we find attractive or interesting. The shape of their eyes, lips, nose, face, body and the sound of their voice echo in our mind and ears. Perhaps during that moment you will notice they have a black dot in their left cheek or one of their eyebrows is slightly higher than the other. Their laugh is a bit acute than some people you know. The words seem to come out sweeter from their lips, and boy do they sound relatable. After some minutes you have already formed an idea about that person. Imaginably you would like to spend the rest of your life with that person, or you just concluded that they are a bit too snobbish for you. No matter the conclusions you made about this person, you might be going to the road of deception. So try not let it consume you. I should rather say, do not let it cloud your judgement. Let your mind gates opened.
The words seem to come out sweeter from their lips, and boy do they sound relatable.
The reason I say to leave the gates open is most of the times our judgement gets clouded by our feelings, and we are left with silly and nonrealistic opinions about the others. Imagine you just met a guy who said something very mean during your conversation. The way we are coded, negative points add faster than positive. This action will already add a negative point into our personal opinion about that person. Maybe he said the mean phrase without thinking about it, or he didn’t actually meant to say that or perhaps he was absolutely terrified and intimidated by something you said. Is it fair to judge a person based on that? Frankly it is astonish how many of us form an opinion about someone based on a moment. Just one moment.
The way we are coded, negative points add faster than positive.
As human beings, we spend most of our time judging things and people, unconsciously. However we forget about one simple fact which is that we are also being judged by that same person. Did you know they might be thinking the same way you thought about them? What if you were upset that day and said something bad to that person, and he/she classified you as mean? Does that seem fair? Unfair nonetheless. So why should we do it to others?
As human beings, we spend most of our time judging things and people, unconsciously.
There were plenty of time in which I met people and their energy was unable to match with mine. From that moment on, I started seeing these people with other eyes. Everything they said was associated with the previous feeling I have gotten from them. How silly that was. I lost so much time associating what they said with the bad feeling, than actually getting to know that person better. Now I know them better, and I am glad to say that I was wrong about them.
The more you mature, the more you realized how silly your old self was. It is not fair to do such assumptions about someone without knowing their state of mind. Most of the time the person whom we judge is going through a hard time. For example, this person was hurt by someone else and his/hers actions represent a way of lashing out. Perhaps he/she is hurt by him/herself, and the realization of it is hard to come. This is the worse part because he/she is are unable to identify the reasons and the solutions slips through their fingers. Being aggressive, needy, overly friendly, careless are some of the ways he/she finds to cope with that. Momentarily this person is not in his/her “self” state so your opinions will end up being wrong about someone.
Being aggressive, needy, overly friendly, careless are some of the ways he/she finds to cope with that.
Consider the following before carrying judgement on others:
- State of Mind: As I mentioned above, he/she might be hurt, upset, sad, depressed about something happening in his/her life. Unconsciously he/she might lash out on you for saying something innocent, but relatable to something currently occurring in his/her life. The same is applicable to you, or the person forming opinions about others. In the moment you talk to that person you might be going through a hard time and are fragile due to it. This can cloud your judgement about the other person, and make wrong conclusions. When you are forming an opinion make sure it is free of feelings.
- Situation Awareness: There have been numerous events in which I wanted to be elsewhere than in that spot. Events in which I was obliged to go, but the desire to stay was close to none. I feel sorry now for the people I met around this time because my mood was so bad around that time, that I was unable to realize that being there at the moment influenced the way people received my message and I theirs. Ask yourself, are you aware of what is going on around you? How that is influencing you? Think about this, it might be a great influence on your opinion.
- YOUR speech: It is easy to blame someone else for their behavior, obviously. It is certainly better to blame them than realizing that our tone of voice or the words coming from our mouth may have caused it. Countless times we have said things that were hurtful and upsetting to other people without realizing it. This calls to a very important concept in our lives, accountability. You are responsible for what you say, and you need to analyze your words before sending them out. It is like submitting a thesis to university degree. You research, analyze the data, review and review before submitting. This is also applicable to human relations. I agree that it is not our fault the way people will decode our messages, but we still hold the responsibility that we need to think and analyze the several ways the person will receive our message. We are all accountable for the words that come from our mouth, good or bad words. Stop and think about the message you are about to send.
Keep in mind the state of the person, and avoid those conclusions. They will only bring pain and frustration to you. Analyze the person beyond their actions, and do the same for your thought so you avoid making bad conclusions about others. Perhaps the moment we start putting ourselves in the other person’s shoes is the time we will change the world. Be kind to others.